Sunday, March 01, 2009

Right Now

You want a change
It's written on your face
You feel alone, a little out of place
You hide away the scars and the mistakes
You've been tired, uninspired
Something's got to give
Right now He knows who you are
The light in the dark
He picks up your broken heart
Right now He's telling the truth
That you will make it through
His love can rescue you right now
--"Right Now" by This Beautiful Republic

God opens doors. God closes doors. But when doors are opened, are we supposed to walk through or stay back?

That's the beauty of God's love. He gives us the power of choice. I think many in this world are obsessed with their right to choose, yet they scorn the idea of God's love. The irony is that God supports choice -- He gave us free will to come to Him, to accept Him, or to even reject Him. And it breaks His heart, but He still gives us the choice because that is true love.

Even though I'm only a junior, right now I feel like there are many decisions I have to make. I don't want to be rash or impulsive -- my emotions are right and wrong on different occasions. I don't want to over-rationalize a decision either, because immersion in logic and sensibility will only lead to indecision. This summer is an example of a decision I need to make -- what should I do? God opens doors, and He closes them. I know I must put my trust in Him, but while I know this simple truth, I still struggle to let go. Let go of my fears, my inhibitions, and my selfish desire for control.

But God has always provided. I remember last year, around this time (a little later in the month actually), was when I received numerous rejections -- from a Washington DC fellowship program, from Haas, and some companies -- and I was dejected. The Haas rejection was especially difficult, not because I desperately wanted to get in, but mainly because I felt I had wasted two years of courses for something that was ultimately defeating in the end. There were other reasons too, but none that I wish to go into right now.

Nothing is ever a waste. Ultimately, I realized that God opens and closes doors, and He closed many last year. He closed them for a reason --I was not meant to walk that path. In retrospect, I realize how ill-suited I was for Haas. Looking back, I didn't really want to go to Washington DC that summer. Rejection hurts at the moment, but everything happens for a reason.

Yesterday, I spent some quality time with my small group sisters. We went to Hannah's apartment and ate a delicious dinner. As I am currently sick (I think it's a common's been recurring though), I found the beef soup especially nourishing. I was so thankful for the fellowship and love I could share with my sisters. Afterward, a few girls studied while the rest of us watched Bella, a movie released back in 2006.

The film was heartwarming and gritty, realistic and idealistic. It was a film of contrasts. There was hope written in the film, in this story of a woman who makes a devastating discovery before being fired from her job and the man who feels compelled to counsel her. There are no blatant Hollywood elements in here -- romance was hardly considered, the characters were far from caricatures. It was simply a beautiful story of two sort-of friends in New York City, trying to deal with their personal demons and coming to terms with life.

I highly recommend it to anyone. The film apparently won numerous awards -- mostly audience favorite awards.

Letting go is beautiful
There's so much more just waiting there for you
--"Right Now" by This Beautiful Republic

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